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Oct 13, 2006 18:34:09 GMT -5
Post by cyclops on Oct 13, 2006 18:34:09 GMT -5
Hey, I was wondering if anyone here could help me. I need some advice. I have a friend who has judgement problems. There's a gothic girl at my school and he picks on her and gets in fights with her a lot. Funny thing is, he starts them all. Today, my school had a dance. And he was bullying her and she fought back as usual. I tried being a good christian and I told him to stop but he wouldn't listen. ater, after the dance, I told him that he should leave her alone and stop judging her because she could be nice. His responce was "Why? Do you like her or something?". I'm trying to say that I need some advice on what I should tell him or the girl he picks on, without it sounding like I like her. Any ideas? Thanks in advance.
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Oct 13, 2006 18:53:54 GMT -5
Post by Kaye on Oct 13, 2006 18:53:54 GMT -5
thats a hard situation. you can talk to her and tell her you're on her side. the guy thats bullying her, I don't know...I haven't been in a situation like this..gosh thats hard. you can pray for both, and keep doing what you're doing. if he thinks you like her, so what? its not like you do. my brother asks me the same question when I'm defending a guy that's only a friend, and I just ignore him. I'll be praying for the situation. t2ul!
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Oct 13, 2006 18:59:27 GMT -5
Post by shadowrider on Oct 13, 2006 18:59:27 GMT -5
Cyclops, good for you to SEE there is a problem going on there in school. Sounds like quite a few complex issues. The Goth gal is most likely doing that because she wants attention and feels she fits in with a certain crowd. the Bully of a guy is being a total jerk, but he also may have problems at home, maybe he has someone at home bullying him, so he finds someone helpless to bully at school. You know? Sometimes, that is what is going on with bullies...they are getting picked on (or worse) at home so they store it up inside and it's gotta come out somewhere.
Maybe you can just ask him, "Why are you picking on her? She's smaller than you and a girl! If you want to talk, hey let's go have a Coke (or something) and talk it through." If he gets sarcastic and says, "You just feel like that b/c you like her" you can say, "I don't like seeing someone helpless getting picked on, no matter who it is!" That wouldn't make her feel badly if she heard you say it and it's the truth.
If you can get this guy to talk, maybe he can share why he feels a need to "act out" like he is doing and maybe, with lots of prayer, God will open up his heart and you can share the Good News...maybe you can think ahead of time of a story in the Bible of when someone was in the same situation, and how did it get resolved.
I'm proud of you for standing up for what is right. Don't let your friend's words bug you...doesn't matter what anyone thinks, if you like her or whatever. If you can help make her day less hurtful, that's a Christlike thing to do!
let me know how it goes.
mac
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Oct 13, 2006 19:18:28 GMT -5
Post by cyclops on Oct 13, 2006 19:18:28 GMT -5
Cyclops, good for you to SEE there is a problem going on there in school. Sounds like quite a few complex issues. The Goth gal is most likely doing that because she wants attention and feels she fits in with a certain crowd. the Bully of a guy is being a total jerk, but he also may have problems at home, maybe he has someone at home bullying him, so he finds someone helpless to bully at school. You know? Sometimes, that is what is going on with bullies...they are getting picked on (or worse) at home so they store it up inside and it's gotta come out somewhere. Maybe you can just ask him, "Why are you picking on her? She's smaller than you and a girl! If you want to talk, hey let's go have a Coke (or something) and talk it through." If he gets sarcastic and says, "You just feel like that b/c you like her" you can say, "I don't like seeing someone helpless getting picked on, no matter who it is!" That wouldn't make her feel badly if she heard you say it and it's the truth. If you can get this guy to talk, maybe he can share why he feels a need to "act out" like he is doing and maybe, with lots of prayer, God will open up his heart and you can share the Good News...maybe you can think ahead of time of a story in the Bible of when someone was in the same situation, and how did it get resolved. I'm proud of you for standing up for what is right. Don't let your friend's words bug you...doesn't matter what anyone thinks, if you like her or whatever. If you can help make her day less hurtful, that's a Christlike thing to do! let me know how it goes. mac The problem is, he is an only child( well, his siblings have grown up) and I have been to his house many times before. I even take him to church and small groups. Thats what scares me. I try to help him learn about God, but its so hard. We're good buddies, so thats another thing that bothers me. And, he is one of the shortest kids at school, so it kind of makes me think that he needs to stop before he gets into a fight he can't handle. Thanks for all of your support guys/gals.
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Oct 13, 2006 19:35:50 GMT -5
Post by shadowrider on Oct 13, 2006 19:35:50 GMT -5
Ah, he's "vertically challenged" so others pick on him at times, and he's unleashing his anger and frustration on the Gothic gal.....well, I still think a serious talk with him is what will help. Maybe you could tell him that that girl feels just like you do when kids pick on you. Know how you feel when others pick on you because you are not as tall as other kids? When you are mean to her, she feels just the same way.
maybe making him aware of how he is making her feel would help.
let me know
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Oct 13, 2006 21:33:19 GMT -5
Post by cyclops on Oct 13, 2006 21:33:19 GMT -5
Ok, thanks dude. Thanks to all of you as well. It's nice to be able to have christian friends to talk to, even if I can't see you.
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Oct 13, 2006 21:40:23 GMT -5
Post by shadowrider on Oct 13, 2006 21:40:23 GMT -5
Right on...good people whom you feel free to express your faith and fears, can't beat it!!
glad you're on this board, too...we need a guy's perspective!
mac
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Oct 13, 2006 22:52:41 GMT -5
Post by Kaye on Oct 13, 2006 22:52:41 GMT -5
lol. we need more guys here. cyclops and passmass are out numbered(well, passmass hasn't been on here much, so cyclops is out numbered, lol)
my parents call the short attitude short-man-itis...it seems like short people want to make sure the people taller than them know they aren't wimps...and being known as a wimp at young ages can cause problems later(or see we think). just try to talk to him more.
hope things work out well. t2ul!
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Oct 14, 2006 11:19:21 GMT -5
Post by cyclops on Oct 14, 2006 11:19:21 GMT -5
lol. we need more guys here. cyclops and passmass are out numbered(well, passmass hasn't been on here much, so cyclops is out numbered, lol) my parents call the short attitude short-man-itis...it seems like short people want to make sure the people taller than them know they aren't wimps...and being known as a wimp at young ages can cause problems later(or see we think). just try to talk to him more. hope things work out well. t2ul! Thanks I have a good friend who is also a strong christian guy. I'll see if I can get him to start coming on.
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Oct 14, 2006 12:18:08 GMT -5
Post by shadowrider on Oct 14, 2006 12:18:08 GMT -5
That would be great. The more the merrier!
mac
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Oct 14, 2006 13:07:51 GMT -5
Post by Kaye on Oct 14, 2006 13:07:51 GMT -5
yes, invite any of your friends to come. this is going to be so much fun(not saying it isn't now, lol, cause it is)
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Oct 14, 2006 13:59:16 GMT -5
Post by shadowrider on Oct 14, 2006 13:59:16 GMT -5
Yep, FUN AND a blessing!!!
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Oct 16, 2006 15:02:50 GMT -5
Post by cyclops on Oct 16, 2006 15:02:50 GMT -5
I told my friend that he should leave the girl alone, and he said "Yeah, I know." In a guilty, regrettful kind of voice. And, I gave my friend the web site
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Oct 17, 2006 10:03:19 GMT -5
Post by Kaye on Oct 17, 2006 10:03:19 GMT -5
cool, maybe it will help him out,
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