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Post by snoozie on Sept 19, 2006 17:15:02 GMT -5
Hi everyone, I have been struggling with how to handle a situation at church. I have 2 kids who are 13 and 15. We all started going to this church and we really liked it but now my daughter doesn't want to go anymore. She actually has not gone to youth group or church in a month. We were talking about the friends there and she tells me " mom, all they do is sit there and talk about everyone." Here all this time I thought she was making such good friends and it turns out they are all acting like hypocrites. The youth leader has a 15 year old son who is a bully. He pushes others around, yes physically pushes them, and he thinks because daddy is in charge he can do whatever he wants. I snuck in the back of the room to see for myself what goes on and this kid talks back to his dad right in front of everyone. Which that explained alot, they also flat out told my son he could not play paintball with them. No why dont you come to practice and see how it is, it was flat out NO. This is a group from the church and the youth leader is on it too. Myself, I really enjoy the church. The pastor and his wife are very friendly and I made a few friends there. The problem is how can I keep going there if my kids are not happy? Should I say something to the pastor? I really don't know what to do. My kids will always come first and now they are not even interested with church anymore. I offered to go try a different church but they just said they didn't want to go to church anymore and I am heartbroken. Has anyone else gone through something like this? Oh well it felt good to at least write this down as I have been carrying it around for a few weeks now. Any suggestions???...SUe
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Post by cyclops on Sept 19, 2006 19:58:21 GMT -5
I'm too young to have any of these type of problems, but I will keep you in my prayers if you would like
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Post by Kaye on Sept 20, 2006 8:32:41 GMT -5
I've felt that way before...the way your daughter feels...and you son too. Almost the exact same way, just not paintballing. I was friends with the pastor's daughter, and had been for awhile. A new girl came to the church, and me and her became good friends, or so I thought. She started treating me like I was stupid and hung out with Hannah(the Pastor's daughter). A whole big thing exploded and made me wonder what was so glorious about being a Christian. No one treated anyone differently than an unbeliever, so I just felt like saying phooey with it all. That church ended up failing, because the pastor said something that upset a lot of people, and everyone started becoming angry with everyone else. After we changed churches, we found a good one. By then, I was only going because Mom and Dad were forcing me to go. We got a new Youth group teacher, and she was really good and made everything so interesting. We moved to another church shortly after going to that one(low and behold, that one fell apart too, =/) I guess I've been making the steps of coming back. If you can find a church that is both good for everyone, stay there. I'll be praying you can find a church that is healthy for everyone,
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Post by snoozie on Sept 20, 2006 10:09:32 GMT -5
It sounds like that happens quite a bit with churches. This is the 3rd church we have tried and it just seems that they are no different than a bunch of cliques that it is almost impossible to get in. I thought that bringing my kids to church would give them a chance to be around other good kids. As a parent it is hard to make sure that your kids are surrounded by good kids and I guess I mistakenly thought that just because these kids are christians they would be kind, caring and accepting. I have to admit that some of the kids that I have met through my kids bringing friends over, the ones that look the least like a "christian" are the nicest people. Because of that I have tried my best to not judge a book by its cover and get to know these kids first. Now there have been some that were not great but for the most part they have been respectful and nice to me and my family. The last time I went to bible study at church they were talking about these kids that were all dressed in black and looking gothic. I wanted to tell them that your kids in the next room are worse than any of the kids I have met on the street. I did share with them that I know alot of kids who may dress different and how they should actually get to know them before making a judgement against them. I got the "just because they tell you they are not into drugs doesn't mean that they aren't. Well you know what...you can't fool and old fool. I know which kids are into drugs and first I try to make friends with them to build up trust and then I try to show them that they don't need drugs to have fun. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I guess my hope is that my kids will Know Jesus and make him a part of their lives. It is important to me and He is in our home, but I really wanted to surround my kids while in the outside world with what I thought were good christians. I won't give up but I also won't go into another church with rose colored glasses...Sue
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Post by Kaye on Sept 20, 2006 10:20:45 GMT -5
lol, about judging a book by its cover...no one that knows me in person would believe I can talk as much as I do, lol. they think I'm just a quiet sweet person. I just like listening to people and trying to help. just lately, I can't hear people very well, so I'm really quiet. I hope that you can find a place that feels like home. have you brought your kids into the adult worship? I remember doing that at 12 because I had had it with the kids judging me. I actually enjoyed that more than youth group
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okieloanchick
New Member
ACM1, SM c1-t12, DDD, Empty Sella Syndrome, Stroke, Meningitis, Carpal Tunnel. Decomp 4/05, CSF Leak
Posts: 8
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Post by okieloanchick on Oct 14, 2006 6:45:08 GMT -5
Sue,
As a youth leader myself. I would first talk to the youth pastor. If that doesnt help, then I would go to the pastor. It may be that the youth pastor doesnt notice. Are there many kids in that group? Are there enough adults working with them? It is terrible that they talk about people like that, and I think that there are cliques no matter where we go. Being new doesnt help. Its so hard to fit in these days.
You were right on in saying something at your bible study. The people that they are offended by are the ones they should be reaching out to. Jesus hung out with sinners, he went looking for them. How are we supposed to get them saved if we judge them and turn our nose up at em. I think I might talk about that with the Pastor too. Thats what he is there for. He needs to know how people are acting during bible study. That probably doesnt make you want to stay there either.
Talk to him about your concerns. Also, another way that you can monitor whats going on with your kids is to get involved with the youth group. Im sure they would love the help and then you can influence these kids and maybe some of your compassion can rub off on them. You're such a caring person. Good luck and remember, its between you and God. Pray and ask Him what to do.
Love ya, Kristy
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Post by shadowrider on Oct 14, 2006 12:34:49 GMT -5
Good advice, Kristy....also the part about wanting your children to grow up a Christian...my son is 25, almost 26. We stopped going to church when he was about 12. We still believe strongly...but just stopped going to church. In retrospect, I wish I had kept going so he could have grown up with Christian friends. But even though he does not carry a Bible around or probably even read it, he DOES believe and recently told me about his girlfriend wanting to go to church with him, etc and I'm sure he was able to be comfortable with that, and to witness to her, b/c of how he was raised with a very strong, outward belief in Jesus (which we still have). I think my point is, bring them up in the way they should go! When they are older, they will not depart from it. Keep your prayers going for them and try your best to trust God. Many times, I had to remember that we dedicated our son to the Lord when he was first born and that God will and does fulfill all of His promises.
love, mac
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